Sexuality - By David Hakim

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SEXUALITY 

One of mankind’s major problems is his apparently insatiable sexual needs, which causes much joy and tragedy in his/her life. 

One of the most profound fairy tales dealing with this problem is the “Red Shoes” by Hans Christian Anderson, published in Andersen’s Fairy Tales (Grosset & Dunlap, Inc., 1945), page 62.  A summary is the following from Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia [http://en.wiki/The_Red_Shoes_(fairy_tale)]:

Once there was a poor little girl, named Karen, who was adopted by a rich old lady after her mother's death. She grows up vain. Then, she buys a pair of red shoes and repeatedly wears them to church, without paying attention to the service. Her adoptive mother becomes ill, but Karen deserts her, preferring to attend a party in her red shoes. Once she begins dancing, she can't stop. The shoes take over.

She cannot control them and they are stuck to her feet. And the shoes continue to dance, through fields and meadows, rain or shine, night and day. She can't even attend her adoptive mother's funeral. An angel appears to her, condemning her to dance even as she grows cold and pale, as a warning to vain children everywhere. Karen then asks the executioner to chop off her feet. He does so and gives her a pair of wooden feet and crutches. Thinking that she has suffered enough for the red shoes, Karen decides to go to church so people can see her, but the chopped-off feet with the red shoes dance before her, barring the way. The following Sunday she tries again, thinking of herself at least as good as the others in church, but again the dancing red shoes bar the way. Karen then goes to do service in the parsonage, but when Sunday comes she dares not go to church. Instead she sits alone at home and prays to God. Then, it is as though the church comes home to her and her heart becomes so filled with sunshine, peace, and joy that it bursts. Her soul flies on sunshine to heaven, and no one there asks her about the red shoes.

The movie with the ballet of The Red Shoes (1948) is the DVD premiere by the Criterion Collection (www.criterionco.com).  Within it we see “[a] young ballerina, [Victoria Page] played by Moira Shearer, torn between two forces: the composer who loves her (Marius Goring) and the impresario determined to fashion her into a great dancer (Anton Walbrook).”  Victoria solves the dilemma by committing suicide, leaping from a balcony.

The following dancing of Moira Shearer in the movie, The Red Shoes,  is a faithful reproduction of part of the fairy tale:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEi6YEvuzws

Another example of our slavery to our sexual needs is the following from the internet article, “Ask Lynn: Advice on love, by Lynn Harris” (my apologies:  I forgot to note the URL): 

Dear Lynn,

I’m writing because I’m having a dilemma. I have an extremely strong attraction to one of my instructors in my grad program. I am 40, and he’s a few years older than me.

While I find him very attractive physically, other characteristics attract me as well, such as his intelligence, humor, and compassion. He challenges me, in a good way, which I enjoy.

The way I am drawn to him is not like anything I have ever experienced before, with anyone. It scares me. He has actually taken my breath away when he’s been close to me, and he seems to stand very close to me when talking to me. Others have observed this. What makes this difficult is that while I believe he has an attraction to me, he is in a long-term relationship with “the mother of his son” (his words); they’ve not married. I would not want to do anything to cause problems for him and his relationship.

My dilemma: I want to tell him how I feel. I can’t determine if this would be a good move or foolish. The class he teaches will be ending very soon, and I am not sure when I will see him again. I don’t want to have regrets or a “what if” situation, because I’ve had a few of those in my past. Any thoughts?
– Baffled

Lynn:  Dear Baffled,

Hey, bet you did really well in that class. Handsome, smart, funny, compassionate. You are officially hot for teacher, as the song goes—and what a difficult but delicious feeling it must be!

Unfortunately, however, you’re going to have to try and find that feeling with someone else, someone who is neither in a relationship nor above you on the school totem pole. Even if I could somehow endorse hitting on an instructor in your program, which, for the record, I cannot, I really cannot endorse poaching, which this would be, even if he doesn’t exactly call his partner his “Snookums.” You’re 40—remember the Police song, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me?” Well… that.

I’m truly sorry. I do approve of your impulse here, the one that spurs you to avoid regrets and what-ifs. They can seriously bring you down; just ask the guy at the end of the bar. But while boldness and risk-taking and caution-to-the-wind-throwing are generally to be commended, they are to be eschewed when doing so could constitute home-wrecking or jeopardizing your academic career.

Speaking of “What if,” you’re probably thinking, “But what if he’s miserable in his relationship and he’d leave her (and this job) for me if only he knew how I felt?!” Trust me, that element of mystery is not the only thing holding him back. If things ever do change — or if he wants them to — trust me, through the miracle of Google, he’ll find you. And as for regrets, I have to say: Sometimes it’s better to wish you had than to wish you hadn’t.

Meanwhile, as I suggested earlier, see what you can do to learn from this situation. What does your attraction to him tell you about what you look for in men? Do you see any patterns? (Smart and compassionate: good. Unavailable: less so.) Since, at the moment, your instructor is off-limits, at least let your crush instruct you.


Lynn Harris is co-creator, with Chris Kalb, of the award-winning website, BreakupGirl.net and author of the new comic novel
Death By Chick Lit. A journalist and essayist, Lynn also writes about gender, dating, and culture high and low for Salon, Glamour, The New York Times, and others. In her spare time, she enjoys being married. Submit your own dating questions for Lynn at BreakupGirl.net. Your question may be answered in a future column.

 Another portrayal of our overwhelming sexual needs is the following: 

Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity, is described more fully within  http://womensinfidelity.com/divorce.html where she states much more than the following, writes: 

  michelle langley Women's Infidelity

 

 

The only place where you'll find out the REAL

         reason women are divorcing their husbands

 

 

"After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous." 

               

                         -Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity

 

Women's relationships today follow a very predictable pattern:

·         They push men for commitment

·         They get what they want

·         They lose interest in sex

·         They become attracted to someone else

·         They start cheating

·         They become angry and resentful

·         They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

·         They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.       

A study of biology strongly illustrates the intense sexual need in nature.  Therefore, I conclude that judging oneself for getting carried away is foolish.  Of course, one may get caught and regret his/her indulgence. 

A partial solution is recommended by many religions:  “Throw yourself upon the mercy of God.”  This may work at least partially, since we are part of God and the power of God becomes nearer when we ask for His blessing.

 We can also recognize that we are not beholden to anyone, that we are unique and somehow whole.  We yearn when we do not recognize that God is part of us.  If we do recognize that God is part of us, we may be able to sing,

I Belong to Me

Genre/Lang. : Pop

Web source for the latest music: onlylyrics.com
I belong to me...

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't wanna have you in my life baby
It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby
That who I am is not about who I am with, baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I'll give up my love but I'm not giving up my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yea

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
Who somebody wants you to be
Nobody's got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me
www.onlylyrics.com

 

                                                            David C. Hakim         

                                                            Rochester, Michigan

                                                            January 12 – February 3, 2008