PERFECTION (2008)
Since I already wrote about the grossly judgmental word “Perfectionism” as discussed in my website, www.davidhakim.com, I will now write about living an authentic and “normal” life.
Dr. Francisco Coll, founder of the Americana Leadership College (www.alcworld.com) and the Inner Peace Movement (www.ipminternational.org) would call the following illustrations of my life living in a perfect world, because the world is perfect as it is. As part of this perfect world, everyone encounters learning experiences because the purpose of life is to grow. From my website:
SPIRITUAL GROWTH MEDITATION
My central purpose of being is to grow in love and service. I
obtained this desire by observing and communicating with others
more advanced than me. I am happy knowing I will achieve these
qualities at my own timing and rejoice when I do (written in 2006).
* * *
My dog Mia (does this stand for “Missing in Action?”), after two years in our home, still has moments of incontinence. Therefore, I sometimes keep her in our basement bathroom because it is easy to clean. However, she rarely messes up the bathroom, but leaving her loose throughout the house is another matter. Is this because our home is large enough so she can avoid her mess?
My wife, Judy, sides with Mia, so I told Judy that if Mia messes and she expects me to clean up after her, I will return her to the agency from which I adopted her or take her to the Humane Society.
Judy and I both love Mia. She is so cuddly! It would break our hearts to give her up!
However, a friend suggested taking her out every hour, and if this does not work, to take her to a veterinarian.
* * *
I also encounter some difficulties in my job as a field representative for the U.S. Bureau of the Census. Lately I had to leave a note on the gate to a home. Later the owner irately calls me about it while I am moving fast on the freeway. I am concentrating so hard on communicating with him and driving, that I miss my exit and drive five miles out the way. Fortunately, I get enough information from him that I can close the case.
I thought about moving off the freeway, but I did not, since there was not much traffic and I was in the right lane. However, guidance says my safety is paramount, so with their backing I will oblige.
* * *
Sometimes one needs alliances with others to avoid violence. However,
the woman I love sometimes ignores me.
I am normally a very caring individual. But where is peace in my life when a guest ignores all boundaries? I was reminded by the following to view repeated negative verbal statements as possible threats to my composure and attempt to eliminate them immediately. Allowing negativity in my life leads to confusion.
I sometimes have difficulty setting boundaries, especially when I am tired. A week ago a guest in my home repeatedly mentioned an item that I felt was inappropriate to discuss in mixed company. Some time in the past I had given him information on the topic, and yet he carried on to get me beyond the point where I am able to maintain my cool. I became very angry, yelled and threw items around the room. Fortunately, they were not thrown at anyone.
Did I forget that others forget also, and I became judgmental?
A person obsessed with painbodies knows he will most likely get a negative reaction from you if he repeatedly questions your identity, even though you and he both know you are “normal.” When someone abuses me, I know I have little choice but to attempt to terminate the discussion or leave.
I relearned a good lesson from that ordeal. Afterwards Judy and I discussed it. She stated that it was partly my fault because I failed to inform the individual that he was abusing me.
The background of a person is especially relevant to whether he becomes abusive. But if I judge others on whether they are worthy to be in my life and get critical about them, I remember Francisco’s words: “Do not judge others because you may later find yourself judging yourself ten times worse!” But I understand that setting limits is different from judging another.
* * *
With old age creeping up, I suffer some pain in my life. Essentially I am blessed with good health although I sometimes do not know which way is “up” (simply saying, that at times I get dizzy because of old age). My dizziness is increased when I am tired or sleepy and have to move about.
I also had a minor stroke which brought upon severe dizziness for a short time and my doctor says I may be a candidate for Alzheimer’s, but I do not believe him (which is best! See “Enjoy” in my website, which summarizes “The Secret.” “The Secret is a pattern of living which is following a life style supported by continuous positive self-fulfilling prophecies.)
My neurologist determined that my dizziness is not caused by problems with my ears and I have increased my dosage of Lipitor to every other day instead of once a day, since I heard that Lipitor and other cholesterol reducing medication can kill you.
I also suffer from sleep apnea and narcolepsy and have to use a C-Flex which pumps air into my lungs to keep me alive if I stop breathing. If I do not use the C-Flex, many times I will snore loudly when I fall asleep, and this could be very embarrassing!
Once I was at a concert and was tired or sleepy. I fell asleep and snored so loudly that I drowned out the violin player! Usually if I go to a social event, I am accompanied by my wife, Judy, who makes sure I do not fall asleep and snore. However, this time she was not available.
I do not know why no one woke me up. I hope I do not appear to be intimidating while sleeping. But please assist us who have problems staying awake: If you hear us snore, please wake us up!
My biggest complaint is that I am usually very tired in the mornings. Lately I cried because I could not go to church. It is very difficult in the morning for me to stay awake, and I look as if I am being tortured!
I hope I have solved the problem of falling asleep while I am alone attending church. I usually remember to tell one of the ushers about my medical condition so he can watch me.
I was blessed several weeks ago. I was able to attend the early service at our church and fortunately was accompanied by Judy. However, afterwards I had to take a nap.
* * *
More on Mia:
This morning after three hours sleep spirit woke me. Fortunately I was in a good mood, even after commiserating with Judy while I ate and got her off to work.
Later I noticed that our Siamese cat, Kato (mentioned in “My Pets,” also in this website), sleeping at the head of my bed on my pillow, which is unusual for him. When I looked at him, he looked back, and with a sleepy expression on his face, went back to sleep.
I then worked on this essay several hours, walked Mia, and prepared to go back to bed. By that time I noticed Mia also on my side of the bed so I attempted to move her. Usually she does not snap at me, but this time she did! It really threw me off my pivot point, so I grabbed my C-Flex tubing which is attached to my C-Flex (see above) and hit the bed but not Mia and not Kato. The mask fell off, and I attempted to note where it was.
Kato, who is usually very pleasant, also moved unhurt off the bed.
After finally corralling Mia and placing her in isolation in our bathroom downstairs, I went back to the bedroom and picked up the mask. Unfortunately, it was not mine but Judy’s and was attached to her C-Flex. I pulled so hard that her C-Flex, which contains a humidifier, partially upset onto the floor and started up! Along with the floor, the tubing became wet, but her C-Flex was undamaged. I moved it to the kitchen and started it up again. However, it was still wet when I checked it after several hours sleep but it should be dry by the time Judy gets home from work.
Judy decided it was time to change her tubing anyway so no harm was done!
* * *
A few weeks ago I received an unusual message from one of my spiritual helpers. Even though her image was slightly faded and small, in my mind’s eye high and over my right shoulder, I recognized her. She had wings and a glow about her. She even had a frame about her of expensive cloth (Angels do not need such decorations to be classified as angels, but they all know that I like beauty in my life and I have pictures and statues of angels about me. And not all of them have wings!) Her message was, “Do you wish to pass on today?” I checked it out and told her “no,” because although I suffer the common complaints of the aged, I am in good health and recognize that my purpose in life is to be of service.
Later that day we had a short but dense snowfall. Roads were slippery.
I was driving carefully on the main street leading to my home and my car got into a slide when I attempted to slow down to make a turn. I did not get concerned immediately, because I was able to stay in my lane, I was initially driving at the speed limit, and no cars were ahead of me. However, the larger vehicle behind me was tailgating me and had to swerve into the lane to my left, usually reserved for ongoing traffic. Fortunately there were no vehicles approaching.
By the time we were both stopped, I was partly turned by then. We looked at each other momentarily. Since he made no attempt to proceed, I completed my turn.
The words of my angel then came to mind. What if I had answered “yes”? Will I be freaked out the rest of my life, awaiting such words again?
Through meditation I learned that I will rarely hear such words from spirit. The words fulfilled their purpose of allowing me to review the plan of my life and realize that despite any chaos that enters it I am still “right on!”
* * *
It is debatable whether the preceding grievances are few. However, upon rereading and modifying this essay, I received the following sentence: "O please, the God within, please spare me from torturing myself!" Fortunately I do not attribute the preceding quote from spirit (I am aware of the power of self-fulfilling prophecies) and I am also supported by the following quote from Dr. Sandra Adler of the Peace Community Church International (pcciworld.org):
One facet of perfectionism is to acknowledge that one is torturing oneself and that is why we attract others to torture us. Once we come to grips with what we are doing to ourselves and do something about it we no longer attract that in our lives.
Years ago when the original “Star Trek” was televised, I admired Leonard Nimoy’s portrayal of Spock. I have contemplated being more like him and not responding so quickly to disturbing incidents in my life. However, after all my training I sometimes still react negatively to such incidents. This is perfect because it means I am not done with this lifetime for I still have more to learn.
Francisco mentioned frequently that we replay negative drama proceeding from our past history. It creates melancholy in our lives if we let it. If I get caught by it, my first solution is reviewing “Dealing with Melancholy,” also on my website. The best solution I know of is to alleviate my fears by placing my life in the hands of spirit.
David C. Hakim
Rochester, Michigan
November 26-28, December 1, 15, 2008