Allowance - By David Hakim

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ALLOWANCE

Allowance" has many meanings, some of which are: abating; acknowledging; admitting;  approval; authorizing; conceding; enduring; granting; sanctioning; permitting; and tolerating.  Allowance is also defined as a reserve against which one can draw from in case of necessity.

When someone first says “allowance” to me, I think back to my childhood when I was given an allowance to maintain me in day to day living.  However, “allowance” can have not only a limiting but also expanding connotation.  In this essay I will consider the financial and psychological connotations.   

First the financial:   

When I was younger, I became embittered because my allowance was so low (I received only $15 per week) that I could barely make ends meet, even though I worked 20 hours a week.  Until I went to college, I felt so limited in what I could do.

However, I felt abundant when attending college because my parents recognized the importance of their children being well educated.  Of course, I was no spendthrift and when I obtained my employment as an attorney (first with the Legal Aid Bureau of Detroit and later for the Internal Revenue Service, Federal Estate Tax), I usually managed on my own to support myself and my family.  After I became ill with cancer and had to quit the IRS, the "allowance" became quite severe for me and my family but we managed.

When my parents passed on, I inherited a little money.  At this time some of my investments have paid off and some have not, so I placed myself on an allowance so I can pay off what I owe faster.

I am hoping to maintain my small estate:  I have provided in my will that 1/3rd of my estate will go to charity, mainly to the 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization I have founded, TOWARD ESTABLISHING A SAFER SOCIETY (see "Safer Society" in my website, www.davidhakim.com).  As a result, my daily charitable giving has abated somewhat:  I donated to a few charities and they sold my information to many other organizations.  I get an average of three solicitations a day.  However, I do my best to include these organizations in my daily prayer.

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Now the psychological: 

I am becoming more understanding and tolerant of myself and others.  As a result, I speak up quicker, kinder and less judgmentally to actually make myself more loving (caring) to myself and others!

I more easily allow myself to do that which is important to me.

I attribute much of my yearning and desires to my painbodies; however, through the assistance of spirit I am able to substantially cleanse away such yearning and desires.

My apparent lineal age has been increasing:  I am 74 years old.  However, my doctor actually told me recently that I am getting healthier!  When I am down, I focus on the fact that I will live forever and the situation I find myself in now is not bad.  I believe that because I try to be positive and grateful, events in my life are more serendipitous with positive outcomes more easily occurring than fortuitous where things just happen.  When I pass on, I know that my life will be better.  I realize that like everyone else I have done the best I can this lifetime.  ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

Much of what keeps me positive is realizing that I cannot be consciously aware of everything.  I do not attempt to meet all the expectations of others.  I do not attempt to do everything perfectly or know everything. Even with the internet I cannot get answers to everything!

I usually have no problem admitting my limitations.  I am also more conscientious and less negligent than I have ever been.

Each day’s impressions are fleeting and tend to run together.  Although many negative images permeate my consciousness, I am not superstitious in believing that they will affect me.

I cannot say my life is immaculate [without fault or error] or impeccable [synonym:  perfect:  excellent and delightful in all respects].  I also cannot say it is changing at the same rate.  At least I am clarifying everything better.

Fortunately I believe the positive part of me overcomes any negativity so I can maintain my lightness of being.

I listen to and do the work of spirit, telling myself that with the assistance of spirit I can manage any loss and by overcoming it assist myself and others to attain greater spirituality.

Some days I sleep a few hours and some days I must sleep about 12 hours.  Usually the 12 hour sleep results from sleeping only a few hours the prior night.  When I do not get enough sleep, I really feel and show it!  However, my best time for writing appears to be during the period I am feeling good, at night.

Although I do my best not to judge the actions of others, allowance does not mean that I have to approve of their actions.  Although I can speak of issues, I know that I must do my best to remain neutral about many things.  I recognize that at times the best solution to a problem is to say nothing and/or walk away from a situation.

I rejoice that I am permitted to do my thing.  I do my best not to judge others actions.  If I believe I must be protective of myself, I attempt to do it in the form of an "I" message, which sometimes works when the recipient has adequate control over himself.  Otherwise, it can spook up the situation even more.

Usually I do not question the motives of others because I realize that doing so would waste much time.  I do my best to "Live and let live" and show my love to everyone and everything.

David C. Hakim
Rochester, Michigan
january 7, September 30, October 1, 17, 25, 2009